Why I Started Running

It was the breakup that got me running. First there was a month of no food or sleep. Then a month of learning to eat and sleep. By month three I was able to put my shoes on.

I ran a lot when I was twenty-one. Fast laps around Maynooth University for an hour or two, until my legs couldn’t take it. I never recorded my pace or distance. I wasn’t training. I was numb from head to toe and had no desire for anything other than death.

My daily run was the only structure I had.

And now, nine years later, with the summer I had planned with my ex-girlfriend obliterated, I decided it was time to get back in the game.

I always thought that those who become obsessed with running are avoiding something. But as I analyse my own experience, I suspect they are running through something, rather than away from it.

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I’ve started training for a half-marathon which takes place in a couple of weeks. This is the first time I’ve recorded my runs and I don’t understand most of the data my phone feeds me. It’s the distance which I’m most drawn to. How far can I go? How much can I take?

I completed my first 13km run last week. It was a windy evening in St. Catherine’s Park. The sky was grey; the park filled with families and couples wandering through a typical Irish summer.

The start of a run is never enjoyable for me. It’s only after five or six kilometres that I begin to hit my stride. Once I’m past that initial resistance I feel like I could run for hours, if not days. I try to stay present and take in my surroundings when I run. Sometimes she pops into my head. That’s when I increase my speed.

In terms of physical pain the back of my right leg feels it the day after. My lungs are grand, which is a big difference from when I was younger. I used to pant like a dog at the end of every run. Perhaps learning how to fend off the panic attacks has helped me with my breathing.

I’m not sure why I feel compelled to document my running journey. I don’t think many people read about runners. Murakami has done it. In his book What I Talk About When I Talk About Running he says “An unhealthy soul requires a healthy body.”

I can relate to that quote. My mind might be broken but my exterior doesn’t have to be. When you consider how hard running is on the body this is a bit of an ironic statement.

I don’t know where this project is going or if I’ll even keep it up.

But for now running is keeping me on the right side of the ground, and that’s all that matters.